|Austin-Bergstrom International Airport|
The School for Scandal
by Lady Teazle
This is Lady Teazles favorite quote this month:
Im sick to death of it. Sick of this Gwyneth Paltrow person that I see everywhere and I hate her and wish she would go away, but there is nothing I can do about it. -- Gwyneth Paltrow.
Early one morning last week I went to visit my friend Jimmy the groundskeeper for Ilka Winter. I parked my truck down the street and went in the back way hoping to avoid running into Ilka. Im sneaking around the hedge of the pool house and practically run right into her. Shes wearing a totally see through night gown. Ugh. Shes got this wrinkled body with the manufactured tits of a fourteen year old. Very bizarre. Darlink, I hope youre not still mad at Ilka? she says to me. She waves this envelope at me. Take zis and vote for anyvon you vant, she says. I havent seen any of deez moofees. She fingers my belt buckle and says, Jimmee says youre a faggot, but I dont belieff him. You like boys? No! I said. (It was a knee jerk response. I wasnt thinking clearly.) Then she grabs my buckle and shoves the envelope into the top of my pants. I turned and ran down the driveway. So here I am sitting at my desk filling out an Oscar ballot! Who knows maybe my vote will help Hillary Swank win. Hollyweird. I miss home. Theres a new TV series and three new movies coming to Austin. Im definitely moving back.