The Total Man Package: Celebrity Look-A-Like, The Best Job on the Planet
by Dan Murphy
I think being a Celebrity Look-A-Like might just be the best job on the planet. Imagine getting paid just for looking like someone else and doing next to nothing for it. If you are a Look-A-Like, all you do is make personal appearances at some event, wave, and pretend to be that person.
There is no job I would rather have. I can't think of anything easier than this. This tops two close runners up for easiest job on the planet: Guinea Pig (Medical Research Subject) and Pro Wrestling Manager. Yeah, I've done the guinea pig thing and you're saying, "Are you nuts?" Well, the money is great and where else could you possibly pick up some super powers? That's how Captain America got started. Besides, you know you idiots would be doing medical research as well if your percent body fat wasn't well out of accepted norms.
Alright, back to the Look-A-Like thing. Sure, being a Celebrity Look-A-Like isn't all positive either. It's a great gig until the person you look like does something really bad or embarrassing. Remember that Hugh Grant prostitute thing? Envision being his Look-A-Like during that whole ordeal. Then there are the disadvantages of resembling someone like Ben Laden, OJ, Hitler, etc. I think the worst scenario would be looking like a no longer major supporting actor like Radar from Mash. Everywhere you go people might say, "Hey, you are that Radar guy from Mash aren't you? What have you been doing lately? What happened to your career?" Not only would these constant questions get annoying, but you'd have to keep explaining that you are not Radar and just look like him. Then they don't believe you because they think you are just trying to cover up for your lack of mainstream status. In addition, there isn't much money for Radar from Mash Look-A-Likes these days.
They say somewhere out there each of us has an exact double. Well, if you are my double get off your butt, get famous fast, and maintain it DAMN IT!! Work like a mental patient; so, I won't have to work now or ever again. Knock yourself out and become a Legend like James Dean. No, I won't be your stunt man either. I'm not putting my ass on the line. That's what those stand-in bozos are for, not Look-A-Likes. When you do become famous, please keep yourself in top-notch shape. I don't want people thinking I'm a slob. Also, dress appropriately and practice good hygiene. Don't fall apart and mortify me. By the way, don't do anything moronic which may reflect on me and don't try to cover up any of your stupid mistakes by telling everyone you are just the Look-A-Like. Don't make me off you (get rid of you) and become you. You won't be missed because I'll assume your identity. It will be easy because I look just like you.
Well, that's it for this month. Remember, the next time you see me it may not be me. Take care!!!
Dan Murphy, THE TOTAL MAN PACKAGE!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!